Favorite Fall Things

I realize I’ve written some kind of downer posts lately, so I feel the need to assure you (and myself) that there are a lot of good things going on.  So here are the top eight great things that have happened in the last few months…

8. Pet Event. In September, Clara and I co-led a pet event in our community. She called over 40

animal rescues to ask them to participate.  Eight said yes – a great response for the first time holding such an event. Our partner in this event got several pet vendors to come and share their goods and we filled a section of the park with all things pets! The best part of the day was that several animals got adopted by families who met them at the event, including a puppy who was adopted by one of my colleagues. I was so proud of Clara and the hard work she put into this great cause.

7. Swimming Lessons.  Connor took six sessions of swimming lessons this fall and he really loved it.  His teacher was kind and patient. The goal was to get Connor to blow bubbles and start to learn to float on his back.  We didn’t quite get there, but might do another set of lessons this winter.

6. Birthday. Clara turned 12. Preteen drama has hit our house full on, but she continues to be a delightful girl filled with kindness, dance, emotion and love.

5. Pictures.  I’m a sucker for pictures of my kids.  We found a new photographer in the area and had
her take pics of the kids this fall. They turned out amazing.  So excited to have photographs that capture their cuteness and love for life and each other.

the cutest mice!

4. Halloween. We’re big fans of Halloween in the Dean household.  The kids decided to be Mickey & Minnie Mouse this year and it was adorable. They loved trick or treating even though it was super chilly.

Watching the dolphins

telling us what he sees in the tank

3. The Aquarium. On a random day off from school this fall, I took the kids to the Shedd Aquarium. Both kids LOVE going to the aquarium. We always have a good time exploring the exhibits, seeing the show and learning more about undersea life. A highlight this trip was Connor using his talker to tell us about what we were seeing.  Clara and I both got teary at how willing and wonderful he was being with his words.  I think our favorite part was find a table by the dolphins and eating our sack lunches watching them swim and play.

At the museum

2. Thanksgiving.  We had an awesome Thanksgiving break.  It was a much needed rest after a busy November.  My sister and her boyfriend came to visit and we went to the Museum of Science and Industry.

Easter Seals Photo Exhibit reveal

1. Easter Seals Photo Exhibit.  Each year Easter Seals partners with a local college’s photography

class to do a photo exhibit featuring a few kids from their programs.  Connor was selected to be one of the kids for 2017. We didn’t see any of the pictures until the big reveal event. The picture is perfect. It captures his joy, his cuteness, his uniqueness.  We are so thankful for Easter Seals, the services they provide and the way they encourage families.

The Party

On October 26, Connor turned 6! I decided to throw him a little friend party here at the house.  Nothing super involved – just play time and food with friends from day care and kindergarten.  

We invited six or seven kids and only one RSVPed (no) by the date I put on the adorable invitations.

Y’all – I was crushed. No one was coming to my little guy’s first party. I tried not to take it personally – maybe it was a busy weekend?  I tried not to think it was because he is different than most kids – maybe they lost the invitations? But those thoughts kept creeping into my head.

Making pictures with Connor's undersea stamps

Then the next night, a mom texted me that her son could come! Yes! The party was ON!  I replied that was great and warned her he’d be the only one at the party.  The party morning came, and the little friend showed up.  He and Connor started playing and then the doorbell rang – another (unexpected) friend!  Then about an hour in, the little girl whose mom said she couldn’t make it came.  By the time we were cleaning up the stamping fun and getting ready to eat muffins there were enough kids to constitute a party!

Mid-way through the muffins Connor melted down.  He was ready for the party to be done.  Predictably, the other kids were not ready for the party to be done, so they went back to the play room.  We tried to make Connor rally.  We even took a little break – all the kids piled on his bed and we read a book – but the birthday boy was done.  I apologized to the kids and the moms and let Connor go back to his room and take a nap.  The others seemed un-phased and stayed another 45 minutes playing with all of Connor’s and Clara’s toys.

So while it was certainly not a picturesque first birthday party, I’m going to consider it a success.  More people came than we thought would show up and there was art, playing, food and napping involved.  Pretty much the definition of a good time, right? :)

Our six year old!

Field Trip to Hell

In early October, Connor’s teacher asked me to go on their field trip to a farm with them. I was able to do some rearranging at work and said yes even though I just had this feeling in the bottom of my stomach about it. 

A few days later the teacher emailed saying that she had ordered a wheelchair lift bus that because lift buses don’t seat as many people now they would have to get a second bus and that wasn’t budgeted. What I should have done was expressed empathy for her situation and then waited for them to figure it out.  Instead what I did was wait a couple of days and then offer to drive Connor separately. So that morning after everyone was ready to go, all 50-some kindergarteners headed to the bus while I headed to the CR-V with my kindergartener.  And so the field trip began.

Trying out the tractors on the playground

We got to the farm and the first thing they did was go to this massive playground.  It was a cool playground but it was built on grass with no walking paths. Not wanting Connor to be left out again I

spent the next 45 minutes pushing his wheelchair through grass and heaving him on and off the various elements he could “play” on.  He wasn’t so thrilled with most of it and by the time playtime was over we were both a sweaty mess.

After a quick lunch break we went back outside only to realize it had become unseasonably warm. I had dressed Connor and myself in pants as it was fall, but that was a mistake. The kids walked around looking at some animals which Connor really enjoyed and then went to produce packing section to watch them wash zucchini.  While it was a little rough pushing along rocked pathways, it was probably the most enjoyable part of the field trip.

Our next activity was a hayride to a pumpkin patch. There was no plan for Connor’s wheelchair, but luckily the dad on the trip helped me load it up the ladder staircase.  The ride was very bumpy and Connor started to cry.  Soon we got to the pumpkin patch and it was literally a dirt field with pumpkins growing in it.  I think in the back on my mind this whole time I just kept thinking, "They wouldn't really just take us to a field without telling me or making some kind of arrangements for Connor." Ha.

We maneuvered the wheelchair down to the field and put Connor in it. I looked ahead of me at all the clumps of dirt and vines.  How the hell were we going to go pick a pumpkin?  The other kindergarteners scattered – gleefully bounding through the field to find the perfect pumpkin.  Connor was on the verge of tears again and I wasn’t far behind.  I think his aide saw we were both at our breaking points because she offered to show him two pumpkins nearby the we could pick. I managed to push him a few feet but then just picked him up and carried him to the pumpkins she had found.  He didn’t care and made a half attempt to choose between the two.  We broke the pumpkin off the plant and headed back to the wagon.  Once we were all aboard, the tractor started back up and Connor lost his mind and started screaming and crying. The other kids were sweet and worried about him and I assured them he was just tired and overwhelmed, not hurt.  I sang songs quietly in his ear and reassured him this field trip to hell was almost over.

I’m not sure what the last part of the field trip involved.  Connor was still crying as we unloaded him and the wheelchair from the wagon. I looked at his teacher and said we were leaving.  I could tell she felt horrible that the day had been so tough. She hugged me and thanked me for coming.  By some miracle, I got out of the farm complex before bursting into tears.  We must have been a sight.  Both of us sobbing as we wheeled through the parking lot (which, of course, was not paved). 

We got to the car and blasted the air conditioning.  I sat there for a minute hating the world. Hating that the field trip was to a farm, hating that my son couldn’t have fun on his first field trip, hating that it was like 85 degrees in October. Hating the things that are hard for my family that most families don’t think twice about (and I know they don’t because we were one of those families until six years ago).

After I cooled down mentally and physically and Connor stopped crying, it was time for a big breath and the reality that it was time to move on with the day.  I had a meeting at work later that afternoon and Connor was expected at Kinder Care.  Not a day to quit trying. 

I struggle with what’s fair for me to expect in these situations. Is it fair for me to expect that the kindergarten field trip be someplace accessible?  Is it fair for me to expect others to think through activities and make sure Connor can participate? Is it fair for me to say no the next time they ask me to go on the field trip? I imagine I will wrestle with these and a hundred more questions through Connor’s elementary school career.  

But this I do know – we are done with farms for a while.